#2918
<Lita drops out of the vent>
Date: 07/30/2003
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................................
<She's not in Spidey's room, she didn't want to go in there with all those armed guards around. She's in an empty room, but she exits and starts heading down the hall, wondering what to do.>
Lita: I wonder what I should do!
<Just then she comes upon some young military dude. She hopes he won't notice her, but he does. Lita gets ready to defend herself in case he attacks, but he doesn't. Instead he just approaches her with a smile>
Military dude: Hi! I haven't seen you here before!
Lita: <Suddenly realizing she's still wearing the uniform she stole from the Army Guy outside> You haven't? Well I just got transferred here! I'm... um... Corporal 9000!
Military dude: Your name tag doesn't say you're Corporal 9000.
Lita: It doesn't? That's messed up!
Military dude: I'm Sergeant Benny Bland.
Lita: Um... I forget. Does a Corporal outrank a Sergeant?
Sgt. Bland: Ha ha! That's funny!
Lita: Ha ha...
Sgt. Bland: Say. You seem nice. Will you be my friend?
Lita: Um... sure.
Sgt. Bland: Hooray!! <he hugs Lita>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2919
Mickey: Woo hoo! 2003!
Date: 07/31/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Manute: What next? Manute seem to remember homeless problem.
Mickey: I don't know. Maybe Schmoe and wurwolf know where the others are.
(Later at Schmoe and wurwolf's apartment, Mickey knocks on the door)
Mickey: Huh. No answer. (Knocks louder) Nope. (Knocks even louder)
Manute: Manute got idea.
Mickey: Me too. OPEN UP ASS HEADS!!!!!!! IT'S ME, SATAN! DEATH TO MIDGETS LIVING IN SIN!!!!
Manute: No. Manute have key.
Mickey: Give me that! Why didn't you say so in the first place! (Opens the door) You check the kitchen, I'll check the bedroom.
Manute: Manute hungry. Short Asian Man make good beef stew.....
Mickey: Whatever. (Opens the bedroom door) Oh there they...are? Heh heh....(Backs out of the room)
Manute: What's wrong?
Mickey: We gotta go...like right now....(Continues to back out the apartment)
Manute: Did you find Schmoe and wurwolf?
Mickey: Who? Don't know them......(Backs down the stairs)
Manute: Ooooh...strawberry yogurt! Manute want that!
Mickey: Manute! Get a move on! (Backs his way onto the street)
Manute: Fine. But Manute want strawberry yogurt (leaves)
(Meanwhile, in Schmoe and wurwolf's bedroom)
Schmoe: What's his damage?
wurwolf: Who cares...take me!
MickeyTheGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Ah...gratuitous sex
GREEN LIGHT!
#2920
Lita42: Ok, Tork.
Date: 07/31/2003
From: Tork_110
Lita42: I don't want to get into another fight with you.
Tork: Well, good. Neither do I.
Lita42: This is silly. We shouldn't be angry with each other.
Tork: Of course not.
Lita42: You're a friend of Lita, and you look out for her.
Tork: I sure do. (under breath) Or at her.
Lita42: So we should just stop the stupid arguments and be friends.
Tork: Yeah!
Lita42: So.
Tork: So.
.....
Tork: Oooh! I know! I have a question!
Lita42: It isn't going to be stupid, is it?
<Tork looks hurt.>
Lita42: Oh, I'm sorry. What is it?
Tork: Do all the clones have their periods at the same day of the month? I heard that when women stay together for awhile, they get synchron...
Lita42: <puts her hands on her ears and starts to sing>
"You know he got the cure ... but then he went astray,"
<she leaves>
Tork: Huh? Oh, oh oh oh oh oh! I get it. I better wait for a few days before asking her again. HEY LITA42!!! WANT ME TO PICK YOU UP ANY TAMPONS!?
Tork_110
dares to ask the questions that you're to smart to ask
#2921
[Tork runs into MSTBlanca...]
Date: 07/31/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Boy, did *that* leave a mark!>>>
[...and runs up to PM. This a while after Tork's last reply, which was quite a while after my last reply. So PM's kind of relaxed now, doing paperwork at the bar and chatting with Rick.]
[Tork, visibly agitated.] PM! PM!! You gotta help me!!!
[PM, a bit annoyed.] Whaaa??? *You* want my help? Hell-O, arch-nemesis and stuff. Remember?
[Tork] Yeah yeah, I don't have time for that right now. This is serious.
[PM, looking a bit more sympathetic.] Well, if it's that serious. What do you need?
[Tork casts nervous glances at Rick.] Umm... can we talk in your office for a minute?
[PM] Ummm... sure. [They walk into his office. PM closes the door after them.] Okay, now what seems to be the problem?
[Tork] Well, uh... I don't know how to say this.
[PM] Spit it out already!
[Tork] I... think I got a girl pregnant today.
[PM gapes at Tork in abject shock for a few minutes.]
[Tork] I told you it was serious.
[PM] No kidding! Wow. How did this happen? Wait, I know *how* it happened, but...
[Tork] Well, see, I was walking in the mall today and a girl stopped me to talk to her. As you might guess, I was nervous.
[PM] Yeah. And then what happened?
[Tork] Then she asked me if I wanted her to give me a massage!
[PM] Wowo. Talk about a forward girl!
[Tork] Tell me about it. So she has me lay down, and--
[PM] RIGHT THERE IN THE MALL?!?
[Tork] Yeah! I was almost freaking out at that poin!
[PM is struck by a realization.] Wait a minute. Was she running a kiosk in the mall?
[Tork] Kiosk? What's that?
[PM] Like a stand or a booth.
[Tork] Oh, yeah! How did you guess?
[PM] Okay, so she was a legitimate masseusse. Did you hit it off with her and have sex later on?
[Tork is horrified.] NO! We didn't have sex!
[PM, puzzled.] The how...
[Tork] She already massaged my scalp, so I knew I probably got her pregnant by then.
[PM chokes back the laughter.] What, didn't you have any protection with you?
[Tork] Well, my religion says I can only use the rhythm method. But I don't have rhythm, so...
[PM] What rhythm? I meant something high calibre, with a big clip. Or better yet, a good ol' fashioned zap pistol!
[Tork] But I thought you meant... D'oh!!!
TmPM
Oh, that Tork!
Sarcophagus!
Green Light
#2922
Sgt. Bland: Something's wrong.
Date: 07/31/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: What's wrong? You said you'd help me free Spidey! Because you're my friend!
Sgt. Bland: Of course I'll help you free Spidey! We just follow the plan, like I said! I want to help you!
You're the best friend I've ever had! Whenever you're around I feel all full! Like I'll never be lonely again!
Lita: Thank you.
Sgt. Bland: *quietly* But you don't really want to be my friend...
Lita: What?
Sgt Bland: I didn't say anything. Hey! Let's go save that spider!
Lita: Ok.
<They walk a little way>
Lita: Um... Are you ok? You look nervous.
Sgt. Bland: I'm fine! In fact, I'm so fine that... You go on ahead!
Lita: But I thought you were gonna help me!
Sgt. Bland: I am! But I just remembered I have to go do some things... You go on ahead first, and I'll catch up!
Lita: Uh... Ok.
<As Sgt. Bland runs off, Lita continues on her way. Eventually she gets to Spidey's cell. Sgt. Bland gave Lita a key card, and she swipes it through the lock. As the door opens Lita sees Spidey and...>
Lita: Sgt. Bland??
Sgt. Bland: Ack!
Lita: Sunday???
Sunday: Mmmph!
Lita: Sgt. Bland, are you aware that you have a vampire sucking on your big toe?
Sgt. Bland: Well that's a little hard to miss, isn't it?
Lita: Well it's just you didn't seem to be at all worried about it.
Sunday: Mpfh hmm pfhhh mhmph mmm mph!!
Lita: What did she say?
Sgt. Bland: She said I'm paying her to do that.
Lita: Oh.... um... Why?
Sgt. Bland: We need to talk. Sunday, get lost.
Sunday: Hmph! I don't need you anyway! I still have my new boyfriend to play with! <she leaves>
Lita: Ok. So now that we're alone, what do you want to talk about?
Sgt. Bland: I hired Sunday because you're not a good friend!
Lita: Huh? Why not?
Sgt. Bland: You don't care about me! You never hang out with me!
Lita: Who says I don't care? And we've been hanging out together since we met!
Sgt. Bland: Not a couple of minutes ago.
Lita: You were the one who ran off then.
Sgt. Bland: Yeah! Because I needed to hire a vampire to give me the friendship you denied me!
Lita: Uh... That wasn't friendship. She was sucking your blood. That's pretty gross.
Sgt. Bland: It's her way of showing she needs me.
Lita: You're totally crazy! Did you know that?
Sgt. Bland: It doesn't matter! I don't want to be your friend anymore! That's right! I'm gonna take an assignment in Korea just to get away from you! <he runs away in tears>
<Lita has no idea how to respond to that and just stands there with her mouth open instead. After a few minutes have passed Lita turns to Spidey.>
Lita: Well, I found you anyway. Thank goodness! <She starts working on untying Spidey.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Red Light
#2923
Voice: Excuse me Mr. Gardener
Date: 08/04/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: Huh? Who's there?
Voice: I'm the Tales from the Duh censor.
Mickey: I'll be damned. We have one of those?
Censor: We prerer "I'll be darned"
Mickey: Oooookay.
Censor: Anyway, we've gotten several complaints about your last reply.
Mickey: Aw, that's too bad. You should've thought of that before I wrote it.
Censor: Mr. Gardener! This is a PG rated rp!
Mickey: Not when wurwolf writes it....
Censor: And speaking of Ms. wolf, the way you treat the *ahem* vertically challenged is nothing short of appaling.
Mickey: Heh. Short.
Censor: Mr. Gardener pay attention!
Mickey: I'm sorry, I love midgets! I really do! Especially cute little blonde ones!
Censor: Ms. wolf is not blonde!
Mickey: Well she should be.
Censor: Mr. Gardener, you have to change the ending of your last reply, or face a fine of....
Mickey: Has anyone lost sight of the humor in a really tall person in a short person's apartment?
Manute: Manute hate ceiling fans.
Censor: A fine of $5000.
Mickey: I don't have that kind of money!
Censor: Then change the ending.
Schmoe: Awww...but I was gettin some!
Mickey: Don't remind me. *sigh* OK FINE! Places, people! Ready? Lights, camera, action! (Slaps the censor around with a large trout). Get him to the hospital...he doesn't look so good...
MickeyTheGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
No socks!
GREEN LIGHT!
Hello, Mickey T. Gardener here. A lot has been said in recent replies about short people. Sure, we may giggle at the idea of midget tossing competitions or sitting on phone books to reach the table, but the fact of the matter is, that short people are people too. Where would the world be without the contributions of Michael J. Fox, Prince, or Napoleon...wait, forget that last one. So next time you see a short person, give them a hug, and tell them Mickey T. Gardener sent you!
*chime*
The more you know
#2924
<Mickey calls up Lita6969>
Date: 08/05/2003
From: Tork_110
Mickey: Hello?
Lita6969: Mickey, baby!
Mickey: Hi! Listen, do you have any strawberry yogurt?
Lita6969: Ewww! What do you want that for?
Mickey: Manute wants some.
Lita6969: Can I talk to him?
Mickey: What? No. He's... sick.
Lita6969: Manute's sick!!?
Mickey: Yeah.
Lita6969: Not Manute! NOT MANUTE!!
Mickey: Do you know where I can find that yogurt.
<Lita6969 barely contains her tears as she gives him an address.>
Mickey: Ok, thanks! ... So, are you doing anything later today?
Lita6969: Can't, I'm babysitting. Well, bye!
Mickey: Huh? But..!
*click*
<Lita6969 calls for a boy and a girl. She looks serious as they enter the room.>
Lita6969: Kids, I don't want you to be upset, but Manute is sick.
Kids: NOT MANUTE!!!
green light
#2925
<Lita walks down the hall all alone>
Date: 08/08/2003
From: Carmelita9000
^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^
<She is all by herself. Well, except for Spidey, who is following close behind her in a protective kind of way. Eventually Lita gets back to Evil Mike's cell.>
Lita: Finally I found you!
EM: No kidding! You took forever! What, did you get lost?
Lita: <ruefully> Only once or twice...
EM: Never mind, Babe, get me out of here!
<Lita produces the keycard and swipes it. Evil Mike jumps out of his cell>
EM: Wow! Where did you get that? Did you kill a guard?
Lita: No, I made friends with one.
EM: And then killed him once his guard was down?
Lita: No, I--
EM: Heh heh... Did you get that? He's a guard. And when you killed him the guard was down.
Lita: That was terrible, Evil Mike.
EM: Let's see you come up with a better joke on the spot like that!
Sgt. Bland: Corporal 9000! There you are!
Lita: Sergeant Bland! Look! It's... you!
EM: Lita, do you know this guy?
Sgt. Bland: You look great.
EM: Hey! Don't talk to her like-- <Lita covers Evil Mike's mouth>
Lita: I can handle this, Evil Mike. Sergeant Bland! I thought you were going to Korea!
Sgt. Bland: I'm back for a few days on assignment. Apparently some really evil guy just broke out of containment. I have to bring him in.
EM: <starts coughing and trying to look inconspicuous. He took inconspicuosity lessons from Tork, I think. Fortunately for him, Sgt. Bland is intensely stupid.>
Lita: Really. Evil guy huh? Hope you catch him.
Sgt. Bland: Thanks. You were a good friend. Sorry I left.
Lita: Yeah... well... You were some... kinda... guy...
<Suddenly, some chick we've never seen bounds into the scene!>
Some Chick: Hi everybody! <she gives Sgt. Bland a hug. She's cute and she's perky. Ugh.>
Lita: Who are you?
Sgt. Bland: Oh. I guess I should have told you sooner. This is Bob. She's my new best friend.
Lita: Oh. "Bob?"
Bob: Short for Bobbette. I find it's clever and cute and unexpected to have a boy's nickname, since I'm a girl. <perfect smile>
Lita: And you're French?
Bob: No way! That's unamerican! By the way, Dear. Your hair would look so much nicer if you parted it over this way. Like this. <She messes with Lita's hair> There! Isn't that better? <perfect smile>
<Lita's hair really does look better, but Lita's not thrilled.>
Sgt. Bland: So anyway, she's my new best friend. Pretty much. And not you. Try to be brave. I'm sure that's a lot to take all in one night.
Lita: <coldly> I'll recover.
Bob: Sgt. Bland! You didn't tell her about us? She's your former best friend! You should have been upfront with her! <She smiles at Lita> Men!
Lita: Uh huh, men all right. Sgt. Bland, is she a robot?
Sgt. Bland: Of course not! <she's really not>
Lita: But she's too perfect!
Bob: Thank you! <perfect smile> But don't feel bad. You might just be a late bloomer. You'll find your own way to belong soon enough! <perfect smile>
Lita: Thanks. <She forces a grin through her clenched jaw, and concentrates on not punching Bob. Probably a good idea since Bob is military and would totally kick Lita's ass.>
Sgt. Bland: So. Who's this guy behind you?
<Because Lita is clenching her jaw too much to speak, Evil Mike jumps in>
EM: Hi! I'm Evil Mi-- er... I'm NOT-Evil Mike! <He thinks for a moment> AND I'm Lita's very best friend!
Sgt. Bland: Corporal 9000? Is that true?
<Lita concentrates on glaring daggers at Bob, who is fussing with Lita's pants, a big smile on her face the whole time.>
Bob: So! Lita, is it? These are such nice pants! Did you make them yourself? No... No I suppose not. It would be hard to find that much material... Now if you went with a different cut it would be so slimming! Let me explain...
Lita: <Not speaking out loud but thinking to herself as she continues to plaster a big fake smile on her face> Must not kill... Must not kill... Murder is bad... Must not kill...
EM: Yep! It's true. I'm Lita's best friend. Have been for some time!
Sgt. Bland: Gee... She never mentioned there might be somebody else...
EM: <Is enjoying making Sgt. Bland squirm and can't resist twisting the knife> We were separated by fate while she was hanging around with you, but she always runs back to me! How does it feel to be rebound guy, huh?
Sgt. Bland: You know what? I don't care! <He punches Evil Mike> So stop being an ass!
Lita: Hey! Nobody punches my Evil Mikey and calls him an ass but me!
Sgt. Bland: I thought his name was NOT-Evil Mike. Hey! Is he the evil guy I'm supposed to capture??
EM: No,
Bob: <To Lita> Oh, Sweetie, such salty talk is to be expected from military men like Benny here. But not on a young lady like you! You'll find that you'll make a lot more friends if you--
Lita: Oh, can it you asshole!
Bob: What did you call me?
Sgt. Bland: What did you call my best friend?
EM: <Kicks Sgt. Bland in the back while he's not looking> Ha ha! Punch me, will you?
Sgt. Bland: OUCH!!! And yes! I will! <he does>
Bob: I don't need your attitude, Missy! <she pulls Lita's hair>
Lita: OW!!!
<Lita pulls Bob's hair. Before long everybody's in a great big tussle. Except Spidey. Being familiar with Evil Mike's tendency to get Lita into fights he stands by and waits patiently, but remains ready to jump in should things get too out of hand. That is until...>
Dr. Langer: Ok, everybody KNOCK IT OFF!!!
<Everybody freezes. Evil Mike and Sgt. Bland paused in mid punch, Lita and Bob still holding fistfulls of each other's hair. Spidey, remembering what Dr. Langer was planning to do to him, tries to blend into the wall.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Oooo!
That's how I think the real ep should have gone.
Even if Prof. Walsh was dead by that time.
Yellow light
#2926
Ooooo!! Pretty!
Date: 08/08/2003
From: wurwolf
Lita, I like your beginning text box design! Super cool! I may give up my super cool way of foiling the beginning text box just to steal your design. Yay! :oD
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
P.S. I do NOT love Matt Lauer! I've never even seen the Today Show, and I think his super short haircut is dorky.
#2927
Rebuttal to response 2919:
Date: 08/08/2003
From: wurwolf
Okay, I have several issues with this post, but I'll just pull out three:
>> Mickey: Me too. OPEN UP ASS HEADS!!!!!!! IT'S ME, SATAN! DEATH TO MIDGETS LIVING IN SIN!!!! <<
Living in sin?! How dare you judge us! HMMPH! Okay, we are living in sin, but it's been lots of fun. You should try it sometime, you uptight crank.
>> Manute: Manute hungry. Short Asian Man make good beef stew..... <<
I'm also outraged about this. I'm the one who does all the cooking! I want credit!
>>(Meanwhile, in Schmoe and wurwolf's bedroom)
Schmoe: What's his damage?
wurwolf: Who cares...take me! <<
Okay, I have never, nor would I ever tell Schmoe to take me. I'd just take him. I can't believe you have me saying something totally stupid like, "Take me." I'd never say that in a million years, and I'm very annoyed that you're putting those words in my mouth. You'll be hearing from my lawyer very soon. And get out of our bedroom! Sheesh!
And so, in conclusion, I'd like to say HMMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're Fredo to me!!!!!!!!!!1
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2928
You may use it.
Date: 08/10/2003
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................................
I don't mind. :o)
So what's your secret? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2929
2930?
Date: 08/10/2003
From: Carmelita42
............................................................
That kind of number only comes around every once in a while!
<Lita42 smacks Tork> Quit asking me about my period you pervert! I don't ask you about your penis!
(I am well aware that Tork isn't hanging around me anymore in continuity. I hit him outside of continuity.)
Lita42
#2930
Litas are bad at math. n/t
Date: 08/10/2003
From: Carmelita8714
............................................................
For crying out loud, 42! Learn to count! One of us makes a mistake it embarasses us all!
Lita8714
#2931
Ooooooo buttons!
Date: 08/10/2003
From: Carmelita2780
I like to press pretty buttons! Typing is fun!
Kitty wants to type too! Type Kitty!
fjleatjioajglkvas dlgvnklsndcwsklgjajglkfaj lghjifjlskj hglvjalkfj llgfdklajsf
#2932
Knock it off, Litas!
Date: 08/10/2003
From: Carmelita9000
^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^
Quit spamming Rimmi's post! Spamming is not polite and it's not the Lita way! Your silly spam wasn't even MST related!
So... um... I watched some Samson Vs. the Vampire Women today. If that's not Vampire-Based Programming I don't know what is!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2933
I'll tell you my secret....
Date: 08/11/2003
From: wurwolf
....but I don't want to tell you here where some cretin might read it and use it for his own ill-conceived purposes. It is a mighty weapon, only to be delivered into the hands of those powerful enough to use it!!!!
I'll try to get online tonight and tell you on a board or in a chat. :o)
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2934
Here's a fun sign-off:
Date: 08/11/2003
From: wurwolf
(`'·.¸(`'·.¸*.*¸.· '´)¸.·'´)
*·«´¨`·. * wurwolf * .·´¨`»·*
(¸.·'´(¸.·'*.*`'·.¸)`'·.¸)
Let's see if it actually works......
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2935
Poopie.
Date: 08/11/2003
From: wurwolf
I see it doesn't work if you have to put spaces in the beginning of the line. The stupidy stinky Duh won't accept spaces in the beginning of the line. *pouts*
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2936
PM: Adding this porch to MSTblanca has
Date: 08/11/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
to be one of my best ideas yet!
(PM is standing there, arms folded, wearing a tool belt, and having a satisfied grin on his face as he looks at the porch he built himself.)
Buffalo: (whispering into Sam's ear) Is ita supposed ta be crooked like dat?
Sam: (Whispers back) He's a mad scientist, not a carpenter. He wouldn't have done this, had he not been La-Z-Boy ridden for 3 days from those sore legs, watchin' a "This Old House" marathon.
PM: (Setting up the last of the patio chairs) Well, what are you people waiting for? Get up here, and give this porch a whirl!
Rick: Is it, um, safe?
PM: ??? What an absurd question! Of course it is! Now get up here!
Nabut: Um, we can't... We have to, um... uh... do stuff...
PM: Dammit, stop stalling, and get up on my patio, NOW!
Sam: Look, boss man, I'm gonna level with ya. You're a terrible carpenter, and that porch looks like it'll fall apart in a heartbeat. I mean, come on, you tried to hammer in screws, the boards on the patio are all uneven and crooked, and it's even swaying in this light draft.
PM: (First looks shocked, the quickly looks enraged. He clenches his teeth and fists, his face turns red, and he pulls out his zap pistol.) Alright, that's it! Get up on the %*^&ing patio RIGHT NOW, or I'm gonna %&^* a brick, and beat you to %*^&in' death with it!
(All the henchmen scramble up onto the patio, and stand together, shaking in fear)
PM: Now take your seats!
(They all scramble to the seats.)
PM: (calms down) There, now isn't that nice?
Nabut: (Answers immediately) Yes, very.
Nick, Rick, Sam, and Buffalo: (All mumbling together) Oh yeah, sure, real nice, very nice, yup, oh yeah, uh huh...
(They all sit around for a couple of minutes, watching the the traffic on the sidewalk, and street pass them by, until, an all too familiar, and unwelcome face walks by...)
STG: (Basically looks like hell. He has a swolen eye, missing a sneaker, his shirt and pants look tattered, his hair even looks like a bigger mess than usual. The salmon, looks equally ruffled.) Erg... Let us never speak of the week at the Circuit City...
Salmon: Agreed...
STG: (Looks to his side, and sees PM and co. sitting around) Oh thank god! (runs up to them) Someone I know! Someone who can take me in!
PM: (looks around and realizes he's talking about him) Oh boy...
STG: (Dives over to PM, and grabs his ankle) Please say I can stay with you guys! PLEASE! GROPE won't let me stay with them! I can't even get revenge on them! (His voice suddenly turns to a vicious tone, and he begins shaking his fist) Then those BASTARDS at Circuit City! Damn them to hell! (Back to normal tone) So whaddya say? Can I crash here for a while? Please?
Salmon: (Has big puppy dog eyes) Pwetty pwease?
PM:... (One of those big sweat emoticons appears on PM's head. He turns to ask his henchmen for health, but realizes they've all run inside) Uh...
ServoTheGreat
Annnnnnnd... GREEN LIGHT!
#2937
Wowo! PM's gonna gonna %&^* a brick?
Date: 08/11/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
He really is sick! <Ba-DUM-Bum!> He might have a hard time though since he doesn't even know what a screw is! <Ba-DUM-Bum!> Then again I'm just assuming the %&^* stands for the f-word. But maybe it stands for something else and you were implying that PM's really really tense and uptight! <Ba-DUM-Bum!> Ah, your reply was good STG. I kid because I love. <Ba-DUM-Bum!>
Carmelita570 will you stop playing those drums while I'm trying to post a reply?! It's really annoying!
No new rp replies from me right now. But I'm sure to write a really good in continuity reply before too long! <Ba-DUM-Bum>
That's it. <Lita picks up a stapler and chases Lita570 around the room with it>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2938
Just to clarify, PM said he'd *shit* a
Date: 08/11/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
brick. The f-word would have made the situation needlessly absurd, and gross. Shame on you, Lita.
ServoTheGreat
#2939
PM: Alright, you can stay here for a
Date: 08/11/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
couple of days, but that's it! I don't need any freakin' sponges hanging around.
STG: Sure, whatever.
PM: Alright, follow me. (PM leads STG into MSTblanca) You can stay on that couch 'til you leave.
STG: The one in the lobby? Won't I be getting in the way of your customers?
PM: Customers? Nah, besides the occasional Lita, we don't really get that much business.
STG: Then how do you stay open?
PM: When every the Repo Depot guys come to get our stuff, we lock the doors, turn of the lights, and pretend not to be home.
STG: Huh... Alright, whatever... Whelp, I'll be just making myself at home... (jumps onto the couch)
PM: Not too much at home, you're just staying here for a couple of-- GAH! That's a leather couch! Get your freakin' shoes off it! (PM stomps off into his office)
STG: (Rolls eyes) A'ight, chill out... (Throws sneakers off. One lands on a table, and the other lands at a separate table where Buffalo is enjoying a scalding hot bowl of soup)
Buffalo: (Sneaker splashes soup on his face) AAAAAAAAA!!! Not ma face! Not ma bootyful face!!1!
ServoTheGreat
Take *THAT* Buffalo! Heh heh...
And... GREEEEEN LIGHT!
#2940
I've been gone for a bit, could someone
Date: 08/11/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
explain "Wowo" to me?
And could someone also explain to me why they're making a Temptation Island 3?
And while you're at it, who the hell's idea was it to give the green light to "Gigli"?
ServoTheGreat
#2941
I'm Governor of California!!!
Date: 08/11/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
All hail Governor Clobbasaurus!!!
#2942
Oh! I get it now!
Date: 08/11/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
He shat the brick! Because having sexual intercourse with a brick is needlessly absurd and gross, but beating somebody to death with your own excrement is totally sane and sanitary.
Thanks for the clarification! :oŞ
Wowo was a term coined by Mickey. It comes from leaving "wow" out in the sun too long, causing it to mutate and grow another o. Damn those horrible UV rays! Or perhaps it comes from getting overexcited when typing "wow" and being unable to stop. In any case, "wowo" means "wow."
They're making a Temptation Island 3 because horny men like to look at hot sluts in bikinis. Presumably the show is also cheap to make, but I wouldn't know.
"Gigli" was green lighted by Evil Mike. That's why they call him *Evil* Mike.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2943
No, Lita, you see,
Date: 08/11/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
it's less absurd and gross this way, cause... um... Well, if you look at it from the point of view of, um... Ya know, if you'd take a minute to think about it, you'd notice that... I dunno...
Alright, alright, either way it's pretty absurd and gross, but with the s-word it fits the context better... I guess...
Can we move on to something else?
ServoTheGreat
#2944
Manute: Manute smell strawberry yogurt!
Date: 08/11/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: He who smelt it dealt it.
Manute: Over there! (Manute runs off into the direction of the yogurt's scent)
Mickey: Now's my chance to ditch him!
(At this poin, Lita 6969 is walking down the street. She walks up to Mickey to say hi)
6969: Mickey baby!
Mickey: 6969? Wow! I haven't seen you for a while! How's GROPE?
6969: Let's find out! (Grabs Mickey's butt)
Mickey: Hey! Not that GROPE!
6969: *giggle* We have a new headquarters!
Mickey: About time. Can I see it?
6969: Out here on the street? Well ok...wouldn't be the first time!
Mickey: *ahem* The headquarters!
6969: Well there's an interesting name for....
Mickey: Where GROPE is staying! Geez!
6969: Oh. *giggle*. Well why didn't you say that in the first place?
(Mickey slaps his forehead)
To be continued...
#2945
Continued here
Date: 08/11/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
(Over at MSTBlanca...an hour after STG's last post, if you must know)
PM: Oh yeah! I built the hell out of this porch!
Buffalo: Yah shyure did!
Sam: You should've let me do it, though. Ben Murphy's smooth at carpentry!
Buffalo: Caah-pen-tree?
Sam: Buildin' stuff
Buffalo: Bildin stuf?
Sam: Nevermind.
Buffalo: Nevurmahnd?
PM: I gotta go check something. Be right back.
(A taxi pulls up)
374: Hey! Old man! Tip me already! My cab smells like $%^#! Ensure!
Grandpa Mobius: Why you ungrateful little whippersnapper. Back in my day, we didn't have tips! (Gets out of the cab)
374: *sigh* (Drives off as the sounds of knocking and muffled screams are heard from the trunk. The screams seem to sound like those of David Bowie's)
Grandpa Mobius: Where's my ungrateful grandson???!!!!
Sam: Nevermind that! Check out this porch! Very mellow.
Grandpa Mobius: Don't change the subject, wisenheimer. Buffalo, go grab me a switch!
Buffalo: Sa-witch?
Grandpa Mobius: You're next...hey! A rocking chair on the porch!
(Sits down and puts a handkerchief on his head)
STG: I was sitting there!
Grandpa Mobius: I didn't see your name on it!
PM: I did it! My greatest weapon yet...Grandpa?
Grandpa Mobius: There you are! I oughta switch you but good!
PM: Look, grandpa, I'm sorry I haven't called, but I've been really really busy.
Grandpa Mobius: What's your crazy excuse this time?
PM: I was sucked into a video game by a music demon!
Grandpa Mobius: (Hits PM with his cane) Stop making up excuses, crazy!
PM: Ow! Anyhoo, it's just a prototype. When Nick comes back, he can build the real thing.
Rick: Are you finally going to turn everybody against GROPE?
PM: I never said such a thing!
Rick: Yeah you did! Back before we got sucked into the game (Grandpa Mobius hits Rick with the cane)
Grandpa Mobius: Stop covering for the crazy, crazy!
PM: Finally! I can get my revenge against GROPE!
STG: I thought they were revenging you.
PM: Hey, Salmonboy! Want to be the first test subject?
Sam: Boss, I don't think we can trust the guest around the prototype!
PM: You're right Sam. Tork? Get out here!
Rick: Um, boss? You really shouldn't show him either. He could tell GROPE.
PM: Geez, I can't have any fun.
Tork (Walks onto the porch): Yeah, PM?
PM: Go home Tork.
Tork: OK (Leaves)
PM: Oh yeah, I'm good
(At the new headquarters)
6969: This is my bedroom.
Mickey: I know. You've been showing me your bedroom for hours. I want to see the pool!
6969: OK, fine! But first, this is my bedroom. And this is my bed.
Mickey: That's nice. (Leaves the bedroom and looks around the rest of the headquarters) MANUTE???!!!
Manute: Manute like strawberry yogurt.
Mickey: I can tell.
(A cab pulls up, Tork gets out)
Tork: Keep the change. And tell the guy in the trunk I don't want to dance!
MickeyTheGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
So next time you see the Sheriff, shoot him....a smile!!!
GREEN LIGHT
#2946
Sgt. Bland: Dr. Langer, Sirrr... Mam!
Date: 08/14/2003
From: Carmelita9000
************************************************************
<When last we saw our heroes, they were bravely battling Benny Bland and his buddy, Bob--
Lita: Quit with the cute stuff.
--Sorry... Um, anyway, Dr. Langer showed up with a bunch of her army dudes and interrupted the fight! How will Lita and Evil Mike and Spidey get out of this one???>
Dr. Langer: Hello, Benny. I see you've caught our escapees. Good job. Now you and Bob go back to Korea, I can deal with them.
Sgt. Bland: Sir, yes, Mam! <He salutes, and then pulls out his military issue Batmaney grappling hook. He shoots it at something or other out of our sight, grabs Bob around the waist, and then the two of them zoom out of the scene, the rp, and our lives, together.>
Dr. Langer: What an idiot.
Lita: He told me you were like his mom or something.
Dr. Langer: That's beside the poin. Now if the three of you would quietly go back to your cells,
Lita: I have a better idea! Why don't you let us go instead? Doesn't that sound great?
EM: Sounds great to me.
Dr. Langer: It doesn't sound great to me. Even if the two of you weren't trespassing on a secret military base, you are proposing to smuggle that giant spider out of here.
Lita: But I have a right to take him places! He's my car!
Dr. Langer: He's a hideous man-eating monster!
Lita: Yes, but he's such a sweetie when you get to know him!
Dr. Langer: The last time I saw a spider that size he was destroying half of Northern Wisconsin.
EM: So? That's no big loss.
Dr. Langer: That's not funny.
EM: *shrug*
Dr. Langer: <going into flashback mode> I spent a lot of time trying to find out how to push back the Giant Spider Invasion, and I finally found out that if you drop an A-bomb on a giant spider it causes a black hole to open up and suck it back into the hell dimension from whence it came! Or it causes it to turn inside out with some really gross but not overly convincing special effects.
Lita: Don't ask me. I never could figure what the hell that scene was all about.
EM: Oh, like you were there!
Dr. Langer: I gave my dissertation on Giant Spiders and how to destroy them for the Annual Astrophysicists Association Awards. I expected to be named Astrophysicist of the year! Instead I was laughed out of the building! They thought I was making the whole thing up! Or that I was insane!
EM: <quietly to Lita> Do you think she's getting anywhere near the end of this story?
Lita: Shh!
Dr. Langer: No longer respected by my colleagues, I had no choice but to quit astrophysics.
Lita: Awww! That's so sad!
EM: <quietly to Lita> Don't kiss up!
Lita: Shut up, Evil Mike!
Dr. Langer: Thank you, Dearie. I appreciate your sympathy.
Lita: But if you quit astrophysicistry how did you end up here?
EM: No, Lita! Don't ask her *more* questions!
Dr. Langer: Well, it turns out that nobody cares about space anyway. It's just a bunch of rocks floating around in the sky. A huge snooze all round.
Lita: Oh, but you don't believe that. Space was your first love!
Dr. Langer: It doesn't matter what I think. There's no money in astrophysics anymore. But then I was contacted by the government. They heard about my story and thought I'd be perfect to head up their Scary Monster Research Base! There's a lot of money to be made in the military!
Lita: Wow! So you're right back on your feet again! Go you!
Dr. Langer: That's right! So, long story short,
EM: Too late.
Dr. Langer: I need to confiscate your giant spider, take it apart, and see how it runs.
Lita: But then he wouldn't work anymore! It would kill him!
Dr. Langer: So?
Lita: But I like Spidey!
Dr. Langer: Must I remind you, once again, that he ate half a state?
Lita: Oh, it couldn't possibly have been half!
Dr. Langer: Half a city then.
Lita: That wasn't Spidey anyway. He'd never do such a thing. Besides, you said you blew up the spider that did that.
Dr. Langer: Details. Men, take them away.
Lita: Wait!! Isn't there anything we can do to convince you to just let us go?
Dr. Langer: Well... There is one thing...
Lita: Name it!
Dr. Langer: A date with that strapping young man you've got following you around there.
EM: N--
Lita: DONE!
EM: Lita, no!
Lita: Evil Mike, yes. Suck it up. And you better behave yourself.
Dr. Langer: Good choice!
<Dr. Langer grabs Evil Mike by the collar and drags him away, ignoring his protests. The army guys are left all staring at Lita.>
Lita: Uh... Hi.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
would write more
but has written enough for one reply
Red Light
#2947
JDB: This is Joe Don Baker
Date: 08/14/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
with a KTMA Action News special report.
Mickey: Ah, it's not that special.
Tork: Quiet! This might be about Nuveena.
JDB: The oppressive heat wave that's held NOTEurope in it's grip for the last few days is showing no signs of letting up.
Tork: That's it...build the suppense...he'll talk about her any second now.
Mickey: Tork?
Tork: ANY SECOND NOW.
Mickey: Uhhh...ok...I'm gonna go get some ice cream. (Runs fast into the kitchen)
(6969 and 42 enter the room)
6969: Um, Torky baby? We're starting to get a little worried about you...
42: We are?
6969: The heat can make people do crazy things.
Tork: Quiet! The nice gecko is talking about car insurance! Nuveena could be in that car!
42: Well, we tried. Want to have him put to sleep?
6969: Yikes! No! You monster!
42: I was just kidding....mostly...
(2780 enters the room)
2780: Yay! Kitty! It's our new home! Ooooh, look! Somebody built a sculpture of Funny Car Singing Lady out of cheese!! Ooooh! Other mes!!!!!!!!
42: Hi, 2780!!!
6969: Glad you could make it!
2780: It's so hot! I wanna go in the pool!
42: Did you bring your water wings?
2780: Yes!!!!
42: Great!
(Mickey walks back into the room)
2780: Hi other guy!!
Tork: Quiet! Dr. Phil's talking about....well I don't know exactly, but I think Nuveena's going to be on soon!
MickeyTheGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Valencia? These are juice oranges!!!
GREEN LIGHT!
#2948
And now, the TftD censor
Date: 08/14/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Just some notes about that last reply by Mr. Gardener
>Removed jokes about deflated water wings and 6969's special talent to reinflate them
>Removed 27 jokes making reference to that darn song about being hot and taking off your clothes, because they weren't that funny.
Eeeep! Gotta go! (Runs away)
Mickey (Giving chase, waving his trout in the air): I WARNED YOU!!!!!!!! AND THOSE JOKES WERE FUNNY!
#2949
Driving Driving Driving
Date: 08/15/2003
From: Carmelita9000
____________________________________________________________
<Yep. It's a driving scene. You'll survive. Lita and Evil Mike are in Spidey, driving away from the secret monster testing facility.>
Lita: So. How was your... date?
EM: I don't want to talk about it.
Lita: It was that bad?
EM: Worse.
Lita: <suddenly stricken> She didn't-- The two of you didn't-- You and she didn't-- Oh, Evil Mike!
EM: I know. It was awful. the whole time... She just kept showing me pictures of her grandchildren.
<There is a long pause while Lita thinks this over. She finally decides she's now in a much better mood than she was in a few seconds ago.>
Lita: She has grandchildren?
EM: Boy does she. Millions of them, it seemed like.
Lita: Is she even married?
EM: Yeah. To Sheriff Alan Hale.
Lita: Woah.
EM: No kidding.
Lita: I hope you were nice to her.
EM: She let us go, didn't she?
Lita: Oh Evil Mike! I knew you'd come through for me! <Lita reaches over to hug Evil Mike>
EM: Don't you hug me!
Lita: But Evil Mike!
EM: You expect me to be in a good mood after you whored me out to that old lady like that?
Lita: Ohh! I'm sorry, Evil Mike! I'd never have done it except it was an emergency!
EM: It doesn't matter! It's so unfair! I'm not allowed to do that to you!
Lita: True. But that wouldn't stop you if the opportunity came up, would it?
EM: No.
Lita: And it didn't stop me either. So there.
EM: Hmph.
Lita: But I really am sorry!
EM: *muttering* You're gonna be.
Lita: What was that?
EM: Nothing.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Oh, Evil Mike and his idle threats!
Greenish yellowish light.
(In other words, feel free to tack on more driving scenes
but I do have a destination planned)
#2950
<After a quick detour...>
Date: 08/16/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<...to get EM's cast removed (If I'm going to persist in forgetting that he has a cast he might as well just not have a cast), Lita pulls Spidey up outside MSTBlanca. As Lita and Evil Mike climb out of Spidey they walk up to the new front porch, where PM is surveying his latest set of evil plans.>
Lita: Hi PM.
PM: <Hurriedly stuffing his plans behind him so Lita won't see> Nothing! I'm not doing anything! I'm not going over any new master plans to get rid of GROPE once and for all!
Lita: Good. See that you don't. I see you have a new porch here. It's nice. The sleeping old man is a nice touch. It adds a sense of realism.
Grampa Mobius: I ain't sleepin' you stupid Swede! I was just resting my eyes! A real villain never sleeps if he's worth his salt! Something that ne'er-do-well grandson of mine could stand to learn! <he puts his handkerchief back over his face and starts snoring loudly>
<As Lita heads into MSTBlanca to get away from the scary old man Evil Mike follows behind her. Pharaoh Mobius takes a moment to surreptitiously stuff his plans into a convenient urn located just inside the door before heading after Lita.>
PM: So what are you doing here?
Lita: What are you talking about? I come here all the time!
PM: Well, I thought you might still be pissed about the last time you were here... when I shot at you and everything. <Note to the Continuity Police: I'm not sure if this is true or not. Please be gentle.>
Lita: The time you... <she thinks back for a moment while Rick hands her a drink> Oh yeah! You jerk! <She throws her drink in PM's face.>
PM: Hey! <he takes a towel from Rick> Ok. So now we're even.
Lita: No we're not, but I don't have anything else to do at the moment so I'm hanging out here. <She hands her glass to Rick to get a refill>
PM: Don't you have some new hideout or something to move into?
Lita: GROPE has a new hideout? For crying out loud, nobody told *me* about it! How come I'm out of the loop now? And how come you know?
PM: Well... er... Tork told me... just before he left to go back there.
Lita: Did he by any chance tell you where it was?
PM: No! It's not *my* stupid secret hideout!
Lita: Fine. I guess I'll just stay here. Until somebody from GROPE shows up to tell me where the hideout is.
PM: That's just great.
STG: <from the couch that he has been banished to> Hi Lita! What are you doing here? Are you ready to let me join you bastards in GROPE yet?
PM: Traitor.
Lita: Hillary! What are you doing in this filthy bar? <wisdom poin> Underage alcohol abuse is the #1 killer of underage alcoholics. Fortunately I've been raising you in a caring loving environment and I give you an open forum to express all of your fears and anxieties with me without fear of judgement or loud screaming--
STG: Gah! She's still crazy! <he pulls up a couch cushion and hides behind it>
Lita: Good.
PM: What the hell was that about?
Lita: He thinks I'm Sally Forth. Don't tell him the truth, ok?
PM: Fine with me.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Red Light.
I know I'm using too many red lights.
But this is more like Part 1 of a two part reply.
There's more to come but this intro was running long.
Just give me a minute.
#2951
Lita: So anyway I was thinking that--
Date: 08/17/2003
From: Carmelita9000
****I apologize in advance for the length of this reply****
<Lita, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, turns around and sees the reason. Buffalo is standing directly behind her and about three inches away.>
Lita: Um... hello...
Buffalo: Hah Cupcake II...
Lita: Uh... can you back up a little?
PM: Buffalo, get out of here! You're frightening the customer!
Buffalo: Gol' durnit, boss! Ah'm just trahyin to have uh conversashin with mah Cupcake II, over here!
PM: <noticing that Evil Mike is clenching his fist and getting ready to start punching people, and not wanting a fight starting in the middle of his bar... again> I don't care what you're trying to do! Go away!
<Buffalo walks away grumbling to himself about how PM is always so mean to him. He stands by STG's couch and sulks.>
Salmon: Psst!
Buffalo: Whuh?
Salmon: Hey you!
Buffalo: Hey, kid. Is yur fish talkin tuh me?
STG: Yeah, he is. Which is really weird, because usually he only talks to me.
Salmon: Well yeah. I don't talk to just anybody.
Buffalo: You only talk tuh the smahrtest people, donchuh?
Salmon: Yeah... That's it... Anyway, I saw how that guy treated you over there.
Buffalo: Yeah. Mah boss is ahlways tellin me what tuh do. But Ah guess thayt's why he's thuh boss.
Salmon: But you don't have to take that!
Buffalo: Ah don't?
Salmon: No, you don't! I know how you can get him to stop picking on you. And it's so simple even you can do it!
Buffalo: Really??
Salmon: Yes! Here's the plan... um... you might want to write this down.
Buffalo: Ah don't need tuh do any of that fancy rahtin'! Ah can keep whutever you have to say in mah haid!
Salmon: Ok... then we'll do it this way instead...
***
<Not too much later Buffalo is in the basement of MSTBlanca messing with a large machine. He's pulling cords out and plugging them into other places and messing with dials and pretty much messing the whole thing up. Or so it would seem.>
Salmon: Yes! Plug it in there! That's right!
Buffalo: <who is holding the salmon under one arm> How does a dumb fish lahke you know how tuh play wuth this gizmo?
Salmon: I'm very smart for a fish. Now turn that dial around over there. Yeah, like that.
<Just then PM comes down the stairs and into the room>
PM: What the hell is all this noise I hear down here? Buffalo?? What are you doing with that rancid old fish? And what in the hell are you doing with my doppling machine? You're going to break it! Get away from there!
<But instead of getting away from there Buffalo throws the salmon to the floor and then he pulls a big switch! There's a bunch of flashy lights and the machine makes all kinds of noises. When the machine finally stops doing its thing PM and Buffalo look at each other.>
Buffalo: What did you just do?
PM: <pulling out his communicator and flipping it open> Guards! Tayke Buffalo and put him in the uhblihyet!
Shocktrooper on the Communicator: Do you mean the Oubliette, sir?
PM: That's what Ah sayd!
***
<PM runs back into MSTBlanca. He looks really excited. He throws the salmon at STG before stepping into the middle of the room.>
PM: Ehvrybody! Ah hayve a few ahnnouncemuhnts tuh maike! Furst of all, mah buddy Sam is mah new secund in cuhhmaind!
Salmon: <now re-duct taped to STG's chest and whispering so only STG can hear> That fool! That wasn't what he was supposed to do!
PM: And Ah want tuh make STG here, who is ah very nahse boy once yew git tuh know him, mah third in cuhhmaind.
Salmon: I suppose we can settle for that... for now.
PM: And frohm nah on, Linky has tuh wear a bell. It gihves me the willies when she sneaks up on me lahke thayt!
Linky: Well I never! <She stomps off to her room>
Nabut: My Liechpige. Are you sure this is wise?
PM: Well, sheyoot! Ain't Ah in charge! Whiy wouldn't it be wahse?
Nabut: First of all, *I* am your second in command.
PM: Well nah yer mah janitor. How duh yew lahke them apples, huh? Next tahme don't give me lip!
Nabut: I see. Well. F*** you then.
<Nabut is pissed but he knows which side his bread is buttered on. He turns and heads for the restrooms. PM is satisfied that he has made his poin and walks over to Lita, who has been ignoring this entire turn of events and is carrying on a conversation with Evil Mike.>
Lita: So anyway, then I was all like-- <Sensing something is off, she turns around.> Geez, PM! Haven't you ever heard of personal space??
PM: Hah there! You sure look purty tuhday!
<Lita's mouth drops open. She blinks a few times, swallows, and finally manages to speak.>
Lita: Uh... thanks...
PM: Whay don't yew n' me go and git some food er somethin'?
Lita: PM, I'm sorry, but I don't like you that way.
PM: Sure yew do! Everbuhdy lahkes me! Ah'm all ruggedly handsome n' smahrt n' stuff!
Lita: But--
PM: Come on, give me ah kiss!
EM: Hey, look! That's enough! She's *my* girlfriend, you got it??
PM: Ah'm mahghty sick of yew!
<PM pulls out a zap pistol and with a loud "WAAAAHEEEEOOOOOOO" of excitement he shoots Evil Mike with it. There is a big flash of light and a puff of smoke. When the smoke goes away Evil Mike is gone, but his jumpsuit and his shoes are lying on the floor where he stood. Lita screams.>
Lita: EVIL MIKE!! YOU KILLED HIM!! YOU MONSTER!!11
PM: Yer better off without him!
<Lita runs over to where Evil Mike was and kneels by his clothes. She frowns at the jumpsuit, and then reaches into it and pulls out a small cross-eyed rabbit.>
Lita: You turned him into a bunny?
PM: Ah guess Ah did... Ah mean Yeah! Ah did! And on purpuss too!
<Evil Mike the bunny is sticking his tongue out in a way that doesn't speak much for his intelligence. Lita hugs him tightly to her chest.>
PM: Nah about yew and me...
Lita: Eek!
***
<Meanwhile, down in the Oubliette...>
Buffalo: DAMMIT! WHY WON'T ANYBODY LISTEN TO ME! I SAID I'M PHARAOH MOBIUS, YOU IDIOTS!! <He turns to you, the reader.> I mean come on. Isn't it obvious?
<o/` Duhn duhn DUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHN!!!1!! o/`>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
Screw Flanders
#2952
[Sam] Buffalo, old buddy!
Date: 08/17/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Freaky Friday Mode>>>
[A pair of shocktroopers bar the corridor to the Oubliette, but back off when they see the newly-appointed 2nd in command walk their way. Sam gives one of the guards a fadeaway jerk handshake. He then continues on his way through the door to the Oubliette.]
[Buffalo] Sam! Sam! You've gotta get me out of here!
[Sam] Slow down, old buddy! I can hardly understand you!
[Buffalo] What are you talking about? I talk profoundly clearer than that redneck buffoon! For one thing, I know how to *enunciate*!
[Sam] Phew, being locked up has been rough on you, Buffalo. It's like you're talking gibberish or something! Now here, I brought you a nice glass of pork gravy, just like you like it! [He hands it to Buffalo.]
[Buffalo throws the glass against the wall, and it shatters, spilling gravy everywhere.] Disgusting! Why would I want to drink such a revolting concoction?
[Sam stares at Buffalo intently for a moment. He can tell something isn't right, but he isn't sure what it is yet. Just as he's about to say something, Nabut walks in.]
[Nabut] Oh, great. Gravy on the wall again. Do you know how hard it is to get gravy stains out of gray slate? [He takes a spray bottle and a scrub brush off of his belt, and starts to clean the spot.]
[Buffalo] Nabut! You have to get me out of here! Something terrible has happened!!
[Sam] Hey, Nabut old buddy. Do you notice anything weird about my old pal Buffalo here?
[Nabut] I don't know why you're asking me. *I'm* just a janitor. What would *I* know?
[Buffalo] Janitor?!? When I get ahold of that hayseed I'll skin him alive!
[Sam] There's something different about him, but I can't quite place it.
[Nabut] You mean *other* than the fact that this is actually our liepeachepit the Pharaoh, trapped in Buffalo's body?
[Sam loooks at Nabut dubiously.] Whaaaaaaaat? Are you sure?
[Nabut] Isn't it obvious?
[Buffalo] OF COURSE IT'S OBVIOUS! Any moron could tell in an instant that I am the actual Pharaoh Mobius!!1!
[Sam looks back at Buffalo and scrunches his forehead for a moment as if in deep thought.] Well... maybe...
[Buffalo] That's it! As soon as I get this #$&^@ straightened out I'm taking away your smoking priveliges, Sam!
[Sam peers intently at Buffalo for a moment, turns to look at Nabut, and then back to Buffalo.] Okay, you may have a poin. So what do we do about this?
[Buffalo] Well *first* we get me out of this stinking Oubliette. And then we get me out of this stinking body and back into my own!
[Sam] But how? The bo-- I mean, Buffalo won't let Buf-- I mean, you, out. Man, this is confusing!
[Nabut] It's okay. Leave that to me...
TmPM
Yellow light for Nabut, Sam, and "Buffalo".
Green light for everyone else.
Switcheroo Sarcophagus!
#2953
Mickey: It's so hot!
Date: 08/18/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Tork, make it less hot!
Tork: Big Mouth Bass Tournament. I have a good feeling about this...
Mickey: Me too. Nuveena the fish?
Tork: WHAT DID YOU SAY??????
Mickey: I said it's so gosh durned hot!
6969: What can we do?
Mickey: Hey! Maybe I can flood the basement!
Tork: We have a pool!
Mickey: Oh yeah...in that case..er, don't go to down to the basement.
Tork: We need to buy an air conditioner. Our stop gap solution's getting cranky.
(/a everyone looks at Pooduck next to a block of ice with a fan tied to his tail)
Pooduck: (Tired and Cranky) Barquack?
42: GAH!!!!! (Takes Pooduck into the other room)
Tork: Fine. We'll buy an air conditioner. Ha! Take that Lita and Rimmi! I'm making leadership decisions now!
Mickey: Um....Tork? They can't hear you.
Tork (whispers to Mickey): Good, they'd kick my ass if they heard me.
(Tork and Mickey get into the Thunderbird II and head to town)
Mickey: ....Tailfins?
Tork: Shutup! They're cool!
Mickey: Well, it's better than Fuzzy Dice, I guess
Tork: I got those too! (Hangs them up)
Mickey: D'oh! (Turns on the radio)
Radio: o/' I dreamed last night...o/'
(Mickey changes the station)
Radio: o/' The moon was bright o/'
Tork: It's on every station!
Mickey: Dude...nevermind. (Turns off the radio)
(They pull into the parking lot)
Tork: How was that parkjob?
Mickey: Sweeet! Right on the dime!
(Tork takes the dime from under the tires)
Tork: Yoink!
Mickey: Damn...I could've bought two pieces of Bazooka....
(They go in the store)
Tork: How's this one?
Mickey: It blows
Tork: Perfect. We'll take this one.
Mickey: Um, Tork? Did you even bother thinking of how we're going to pay for this?
Tork: Sure...I've got GROPE's credit card!
Mickey: *ahem* Maxed out...
Tork: Since when?
Mickey: I bought a bar, genius! Do you even read this thing!
Tork: Well, I mostly skim over it...er, stick to the script!
Mickey: OK....(Looks at Tork)
Tork: What now????
Mickey: Your line
Tork: Oh! Well...uh... hey! Kind sir, I'll give you my third born child for this air conditioner!
Air Conditioner Salesman: Forget it, kid! It's first born or nuthin'!
Mickey: OK, you drive a hard bargain! (Takes the air conditioner)
Air Conditioner Salesman: What the hell you doin'?
Mickey: You said we could have it for nothing! C'mon Tork!
Air Conditioner Salesman: That's not what I meant!
Mickey: Sure it is! Tork, what's the freakin holdup? Let's go already!
Tork: How about if ik was twins?
(Mickey starts honking the horn rapidly)
Horn: o/' I dreamed last night...o/'
Mickey: Oh geez...
Air Conditioner Salesman: Look pal, I'd love to help you out. We want a kid...but look at my wife! (Shows Tork a picture) Would you want that climbi..
Tork: OK, that's enough. Really.
Air Conditioner Salesman: That's a nice car you got there....
Tork: No! I'm not selling the Thu..
Mickey: Sold!
Air Conditioner Salesman: Nice doing buisness with you!
Tork: My car!!!!
Mickey: It's ok to feel that way, but it's gone now. Let go.
Tork: I still had 27 payments left on that thing!
Mickey: Well, now there his! Isn't that great! See, I saved you one hell of a bill!
Tork: How are we going to get this home? Carry it?
Mickey: ....D'OH!!!!!!!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Ended with a d'oh because this is probably the most simpsonesque reply ever.
Yellow Light
#2954
Ok, I'm back! Now I'll...
Date: 08/18/2003
From: Tork_110
Oh my God, PM! What are you doing to that brick!!!?
<runs away again>
#2955
When last we saw Lita and Evil Mike...
Date: 08/18/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Evil Mike the bunny is sticking his tongue out in a way that doesn't speak much for his intelligence. Lita hugs him tightly to her chest.>
PM: Nah about yew and me...
Lita: Eek!
<And now, more of our story>
PM: Ah think it's about tahme you and me got hitched!
Lita: It is not, you big bully! Now turn Evil Mike back into a human!
PM: Ah wouldn't do thyat even if Ah knew how! Ah think Ah should have some rabbit stew!
Evil Bunny: Squeak! <He squirms around in Lita's arms and she has a hard time holding onto him. He jumps out of her arms and hops behind the bar>
Lita: Mikey, come back! You don't want some stupid jerk to eat you! <poining at PM and poking him roughly in the chest> And what do you mean you don't know how to turn him back? You *better* know how to turn him back or so help me I'll--
PM: Cahlm dawn! It's complahcaited to turn a rabbit intah a person! But iff'n yeh don't lahke the bunny, ah could turn him intah a puppy or a kitten or an ora-- oranguh-- a big monkey. Ah think it'd be nahse of you n' me tah have a pet tah taike cayre ah tuhgether--
Lita: I don't want to hear it! You leave me alone!
STG: <striding up with a big grin on his face> Hey, Lita! Now that I'm third in command around here, I have a job for you!
Lita: Is that a fact?
STG: Yeah! Do my laundry, Woman! Now, I've had a fish taped to my shirt for a few weeks now so it might be a little nasty. But I think you can handle it... Woman!
Lita: Shut up! I don't have to do anything you say.
STG: Yes you do! I'm third in command!
Lita: I don't care if you're the Grand High Poobah Of Bossing People's Asses Around, I'm not doing it!
STG: Wow! That sounds cool! PM, can I be that?
PM: Sahnds fahne wuth me!
STG: Good! Now Lita, do my laundry! You have to on account of my new position!
Lita: I don't work for PM, you moron! You don't have the authority to boss me around! Now you shove it!
STG: Oh... that's right...
Lita: And PM, you stop hugging me RIGHT NOW!!!
<Lita gives PM a swift knee to the groin. As he lurches to the floor STG runs off to Linky's room>
Linky's Voice: Oi! Didn't anybody teach you to knock before you enter a lady's boudoir?
STG's Voice: I know you're a cat and you can't help yourself, but try not to eat my salmon while I'm talking to you.
Linky's Voice: I wasn't even looking at your stupid fish!
STG's Voice: Now. I'm the newly appoined Grand High Poobah Of Bossing People's Asses Around. Washing clothes is women's work, so do my laundry, Woman! <There is a very slight pause> OUCH!!1!! YOU SCRATCHED ME!!1!! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SCRATCH ME!!1!11! I'M TELLING!!111!
<STG runs back out of Linky's room. He's got claw marks across his face and is bleeding profusely>
STG: PM! Linky scratched me! Tell her she can't scratch me!
PM: <In an oddly high voice> Yeah... Jus... gimme ah minut...
***
<Meanwhile, Rick is sitting down behind the bar, holding the ever cross-eyed Evil Bunny.>
Rick: Let me tell you, even though I know you're really a grown man in real life, I just can't watch the boss try to boil you.
Evil Bunny: <sticks his tongue out and wiggles his nose>
Rick: Just sit tight, Kid. <he gives Evil Bunny a lettuce leaf to chew on> The boss gets kind of strange sometimes. I think it's all the stress. But he'll get over it sooner or later.
Evil Bunny: <tries to stick his tongue out and eat the lettuce at the same time with HILARIOUS results!>
Rick: He didn't turn you into the smartest rabbit ever, did he, Kid?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Happy Birthday, STG
Green Light
#2956
An OOC birthday reply
Date: 08/20/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<based on actual events that happened today. Names and faces have been changed to protect me from angry retribution.>
<Carmelita9000 is in the kitchen working the mixer. She's already been slaving away in there for quite some time and it's all hot and gross in there. Carmelita2780 runs in and looks in the mixing bowl as Lita sighs, knowing what's coming.>
2780: Ooooooo! What are you making??
Lita: Remember that cake I made last night? Well now I'm making the frosting for it.
2780: It looks all weird!
Lita: I'm not done making it yet. How about you get your face out of the bowl so I can finish it up?
2780: Why are you making a cake?
Lita: Because it was Mickey's birthday yesterday and it's Tork's birthday today. So it's for them.
2780: Can I have some?
Lita: I haven't finished it yet.
2780: It's Kitty's birthday today too and Kitty wants me to have cake!
Lita: Maybe later, after Mickey and Tork have some since it's their birthdays.
2780: Ok! What kind of frosting is it??
Lita: <Adding the amount of milk required by the recipe to make the frosting spreadable> Chocolate.
2780: It looks like peanut butter!
Lita: <Adding more milk because the frosting is still all chunky> It's not.
2780: I mean it looks like real peanut butter! Like the kind you make!
Lita: <Adding more milk to make it spreadable> I assure you, it's not.
2780: I just said it LOOKS like peanut butter!!
Lita: <Adds more milk, and then goes to the cupboard and pulls out a jar of peanut butter> THIS is peanut butter! It does not look like my chocolate frosting!
2780: That's not real peanut butter!
Lita: Yes it is!
2780: No it's not! And Kitty doesn't like it!
<Lita puts away the peanut butter and then adds more milk to her frosting>
Lita: Ok... I think this is done.
2780: It still looks like peanut butter to me.
<Lita ignores her and puts some frosting on the bottom layer of her cake. But it doesn't spread around too well so she puts the bowl back on the mixer and adds more milk.>
2780: Is the cake soft?
Lita: Yes it is.
2780: It looks really hard.
Lita: It's not hard!
<While Lita puts more milk in the frosting and while she's looking at that Carmelita2780 grabs a spatula and pokes at the cake>
Lita: Don't touch the cake!
2780: I'm not touching it!
Lita: Yes you are!
2780: I'm just looking at it!
Lita: Don't touch it!
2780: I'M not touching it! The SPOON is touching it!
Lita: <taking the spatula away> Leave it alone.
2780: I'm not--
Lita: LEAVE. IT.
2780: Fine. <She runs away for a minute while Lita ads more milk, and then runs back in while Lita's back to frosting the cake> That doesn't look very good.
Lita: It is too good!
2780: It looks weird.
Lita: Then you don't have to have any.
2780: Is it homemade? I bet it looks weird because it's homemade!
<Tork comes into the kitchen and starts puttering around to make a sandwich on the same counter Lita is trying to use to frost her cake. She stands around and waits until he leaves and then goes back to frosting.>
2780: It still looks like peanut butter.
Lita: Well I'm sure nobody would try to force you to eat it.
2780: I'm gonna lick the frosting bowl!
Lita: No you're not.
2780: But it's my turn because you licked the cake mix bowl last night and I got the spoon! So now I get the bowl!
Lita: No you don't.
2780: Shinny Guy, can I lick the bowl?
Tork: <Opens his mouth to talk>
Lita: It's not his decision! He didn't make this cake!
Tork: <Stops preparing to talk and eats his sandwich.>
Lita: I made this cake. Not you. I get to decide what happens to the bowl.
2780: I tried to help! But YOU wouldn't let me!
<Mickey walks through the kitchen, and as he does he wordlessly unattaches the stirrer from the mixer and gives it to 2780.>
2780: Yay!
Lita: *sigh* Ok. So the cake's done now. Which of you two birthday boys wants a slice?
Tork: Oh, I'm sorry Lita. I just ate this sandwich and I'm stuffed! I couldn't eat another thing. But thanks!
Lita: Oh. Fine. Mickey?
Mickey: Um, no thanks, Lita. I'm trying to watch my figure. But thanks!
Lita: Ah. I see. Ok. <Lita picks up the cake platter and upends it in the trash>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Men.
#2957
Coming soon to theaters
Date: 08/21/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
...the horror showdown you've waited for...
Freddy: I'll eat your soul and haunt your nightmares!!
Jason: ....
Ortega: Errrrn????
Torgo: FoR tHe mAstERRRrrrr...
Carrot Top: Call ATT!!!!
Mickey: Dudes? I just came here to get some soup!
Freddy: DIE!!!!!
Mickey: GAH!!!!!!!!! (/a drops the soup and runs away)
BE AFRAID
MTG etc
#2958
Air Conditioner Salesman: Hey fellas
Date: 08/21/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: Uh oh...he found out they don't carry future gas in the present...run for it!!!!!
Air Conditioner Salesman: I've decided I'll let you keep the car and the air conditioner.
Tork: So we can have the air conditioner for free?
Air Conditioner Salesman: Hell no! I took out the horn. The wife loves Streisand!!!!
Tork: EXCUSE ME???
Mickey: What my associate here meant to say is you're a shrewd negotiator, and you're a credit to you're field...right Tork?
Tork: STREISAND???? STREISAND????????
Mickey: Heh...now Tork, say thank you to the nice man..
Tork: TORK ANGRY!!! TORK SMAAAASH!!!!!
Mickey: Oh crap...
Tork: RAAAARGH!!!!!!!!! (Tork turns into a bear)
Air Conditioner Salesman: Dear lord!
Mickey: Oh don't worry. He does this every couple of months. That's why he keeps the tranquillezer gun in the trunk. (Opens the trunk) Wait...where is it?
Air Conditioner Salesman: I um...took it out to make room for my speakers. Oops.
Mickey: We're boned.
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Wait? Didn't the Air Conditioner Salesman have a yokel accent? Where the hell did it go???
RED LIGHT
This reply brought to you by CAPS LOCK
#2959
Torrrrrk!
Date: 08/22/2003
From: wurwolf
Check out reply #395 on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Aa to Zz board! Or copy and paste this link: http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/2578/395
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2960
BearTork: RAAARGH!!!
Date: 08/23/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Air Conditioner Salesman: Fine! You can have the horn back!
Mickey: But what about the air conditioner?
Air Conditioner Salesman: Take it. Take all my air conditioners. Take the whole freaking store! I want my mommy! (/a runs away)
Mickey: Damn. Cool.
Tork: He bought it?
Mickey: Yea..huhwha???
Tork: I have a button on my arm. Press it, I grow fur. It's the Chia effect.
Mickey: Well....cool! So I guess GROPE's now cornered the market on PM revenging and air conditioner sales!
Tork: Yeah....this is a great way to bring in funds.
Mickey: Yeah! Hey, I never realized it, but Nuveena does almost sort of sound like Streisand.
Tork: DON'T TEST ME GARDENER!!!!!
(Back at GROPE HQ)
42: Where the hell are they?
6969: Quiet down...I just put 2780 down for her nap.
42: I'm going to put this table down in the basement. It's ugly. I don't want to eat off a bat! (/a brings it down to the basement, lands in a pool of water) MICKEY!!!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Hopes Manute's a better air conditioner salesman than bartender
GREEN LIGHT
#2961
Belated Happy 2 year anniversary
Date: 08/27/2003
From: Dr_Lang
For this particular post, and like last year we missed the date again. http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2397
I found it interesting that the "other post" was sitting at reply #6497 on its two year anniversary, thanks to Tork. However, the "spirit" of that post had long before died out, not even making it one year before the air was let of the baloon even though the reply number was well past 6300.
With that said, I think the longevity factor makes this the MOST special one-time post on the entire BBoard. I congratlate you all on your creative efforts, keep the story lines going.
DL
-Last one to reply #3000 is a rotten egg. :-)
-Happened to notice this while taking a break from studying for graduate oral exams, which are tomorrow. (gulp)!
#2962
darn typos!
Date: 08/27/2003
From: Dr_Lang
That should read "I congratulate" instead of the former.
Good thing my exams are oral and not written, or I'd be sunk for sure. Oh well, in my defence it is almost 3am.
DL
whose incompetence brings reply #3000 that much closer.
#2963
Meanwhile, in another universe...
Date: 09/02/2003
From: Tork_110
<Tork is going to the University of Maryland. It's the first day of classes, and he's waiting for the professor to start class.>
Tork: Zzz..
<The professor finally shows up 10 minutes late.>
Professor: I see a few new faces today, but you know what they say: Out with the old algorithm, in with the new operating system.
<All the students in the room laugh, except for Tork, who has a very vacant look on his face.>
Professor: Now to begin class, I would like to load this file...oops. <drops a floppy disc>
Tork: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! THE MORON DROPPED HIS DISC! DID YOU SEE THAT IDIOT? 'OOH, I'M A STUPID MORON WHO DROPPED MY DISC!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
#2964
Oh, for fun!
Date: 09/03/2003
From: wurwolf
It's been two years! Hurray! What a touching tribute to this post, Dr. Lang. Truly, you are worthy of your coveted Forrester Cup.
In celebration of this wonderful post's two year anniversary, I present everyone with this: Alt + 0160 Enjoy.
:o)
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2965
WOW! This is sick.
Date: 09/06/2003
From: mcshizzle
n/t
#2966
<Evil Bunny squirms around>
Date: 09/06/2003
From: Carmelita9000
<He is not at all happy to be held by some big foreign guy who keeps handing him lettuce all the time. He twitches his nose and in protest.>
Rick: Now look here, little guy. It's dangerous over there. It would be best if you sat still.
<Evil Bunny doesn't want to sit still, so he bites the big foreign guy on the hand>
Rick: OWW!!
<Rick lets go of the rabbit. Evil Bunny takes the opportunity to hop over and peek around the edge of the bar. He sees a woman shouting at a guy in a dumb hat. They guy doesn't seem to be very bothered by the yelling, since he seems to persist in doing the very things that are causing the woman to yell. Evil Bunny thinks both of these people look like a pain in the ass, so instead of hopping out to greet them he heads back the other way, dodges the big foreign guy who tries to grab him, and squeezes through a door, left slightly ajar, into PM's office. He looks around. He sniffs a little. He doesn't see anything of interest other than a small tunnel in one wall which he crawls into and follows for quite a while. It leads to a small room with a few machines lying around with little flashy lights. Evil Bunny hops up to some gadget or other and starts pressing buttons. Because he is a bunny he doesn't know what this machine does, but because he is also an evil bunny he doesn't care. He chews through a few wires on another machine. Let's hope these machine aren't expensive or important.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
Kind of weak, I know, but it happens
#2967
Hey Lita....
Date: 09/08/2003
From: wurwolf
Just out of curiosity, where is Cow now? Because I'm thinking of making a reply and you know how I feel about Cow. He's adorable, is what I'm saying!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2968
Tork: I'm hungry.
Date: 09/09/2003
From: Tork_110
<Tork and Mickey are driving back home.>
Mickey: We can wait til we get home.
Tork: But I'm really hungry.
Mickey: And I'm dying of heat. Good thing I bought this TftD Cola.
Tork: <pushes button on his arm> I SAID I'M HUNGRY NOW! GRRR!
Mickey: Ok, ok! We'll go to the first place we see.
Tork: Good. <presses the button again>
Mickey: I don't see anything yet.
Tork: Oh. Well, I'LL TAKE YOUR DRINK!
Mickey: Fine! I can just get another. I see a deli up ahead.
Tork: GOOD! (heh heh.)
<Meanwhile...>
Lita42: Stupid Mickey, I'm all wet!
Lita6969: Hee hee, I...
Censor: Hey! I'm watching you!
TftD Cola - Coming soon.
green light
#2969
Ok. This is really sad.
Date: 09/09/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
But Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow is missing. (Well, in real life he's still sitting on my monitor like he always is, but in the rp he's missing.) We don't know what happened to him, if he ran away, or if he was kidnapped. We do know that his last confirmed sighting was around Christmas. I'm worried sick!
wurwolf, if you want to find Figgey, go right ahead. :o)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Poor Spongey Monkeypanties!
#2970
I need to write a script.
Date: 09/10/2003
From: Tork_110
Take a look at this game:
http://www.themoviesgame.com/
I'm going to have to get started on "Design for Dreaming 3: Nuveena's Revenge" right away!
#2971
Tork and Mickey stop off at the deli
Date: 09/10/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Tork: Let's go somewhere else, cold cuts make me nervous.
Mickey: Nope, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna sit here, and eat here, and you'll be damn happy afterwards.
Tork: Don't make me press the button!
Mickey: That's your answer to everything. "I'm gonna push the button". I'm glad you're not in the White House.
Tork: Grrrr....
Mickey: You didn't even know you had that button until a few days ago! Give it a rest!
Tork: Roa...ok.
(Mickey gets a six pack of TftD cola...now without the cocaine, when something catches his eye. He picks up a milk carton and reads the back)
Mickey: That's one butt ugly missing kid.
(He puts the milk carton back. The picture on the milk carton has the caption "Mooissing...Have you seen mooe?")
Tork: Yes.....and one lettuce sandwich please...
Mickey: Lettuce? Lettuce? What the hell is that? You're not a bunny!
Tork: I told you. Cold cuts make me nervous!
Mickey: Aw, geez....next time you'll be telling me you're trying to watch your girlish figure.
Tork: Well....that too.
Mickey: Hey counterjockey! Screw the lettuce! Get me one of them big ass sammiches with everything on it!
Tork: Ewwww....I don't want an ass sammich!
Mickey: That's just a name (/a poins to a sign advertising "A Big Ass Sammich!!!")
Tork: Oh...ewww, salami. $69.99??????
Mickey: You sounded horny when you said...
Tork: $69.99! How in the hell are we supposed to pay that?
Mickey: We don't. It's with tax.
Tork: If we can't pay for an air conditioner, how are we paying for this???
Mickey: Press the button
Tork: Oh now he wants me to press the button!!! You know what...screw you pal! I'm leaving! (/a leaves)
Mickey: Fine. More sammich for me.
Counterjockey (Picture the pimply faced teen from the Simpsons, it works better): Here you go, one Big Ass Sammich! How will you be paying for that?
Mickey: With cash of cou...hey wait! This has salami on it! And black olives!
Counterjocky: But you said...
Mickey: What I said isn't important! Now the sign says if I'm not satisfied, I get the Big Ass Sammich for free, so I'll just be taking this....
Counterjockey: Um...I don't know, I'll have to ask my manag...
Mickey: For God's sake, man, think for yourself for once!
Counterjockey: Well.....ok. Have a nice day.
Mickey: You too...heh heh, sucker....Tork? Hey, Tork, I got the..oh yeah....wow, that really is big....
(Meanwhile, the Thunderbird II is cruising down the interstate...but that's not Tork at the wheel! Tork's tied up in the back!)
Snake: Whoa...these tailfins make this car like totally aerodynamic!
(Back to the deli)
Mickey: Whoa...check out the girlish figure on her....
MickeyTheGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Yo Yo Champion, 2003
GREEN LIGHT
#2972
Snake: All right!
Date: 09/13/2003
From: Tork_110
I'm taking this car to Mexico!
Tork: Please let me go! Oh, I wish I was home now.
<Meanwhile, at GROPE HQ, Lita42 is flipping channels.>
TV ANNOUNCER: And now for the premiere of The Ortegas!
Male actor: Errn errrn errn, errrrn eerrrn!
Audience: WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lita42: Canceled. <changes the channel>
#2973
<Lita and PM continue to squabble>
Date: 09/13/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Grampa Mobius walks in>
GrampaMobius: What's all this racket in here? I'm tryin' to take a nap! <He looks critically at PM> What are you doing with that Swede, Boy?
PM: This here is mah new fiyancee!
Lita: I am not, you big jerk!
GrampaMobius: <nods approvingly at PM> That's right, Boy. Back in my day we didn't let the womenfolk sass us around. If we said we was courtin', we was courtin'!
Lita: That's disgusting.
GrampaMobius: It's the way of the world, Missy. Now sit down! I want to see my grandson eat dinner with my granddaughter-in-law to be!
Lita: What you just said is messed up in more ways than I can even count.
GrampaMobius: That's ok, dear. Everybody knows Swedes can't count.
<Lita ignores that statement and sits down at a table, mostly because if she didn't I'd never get anywhere with this stupid reply. PM sits across from Lita and gives her a goofy grin, earning him nothing from Lita but a major eye-roll. Grampa Mobius pulls a bar stool up to the end of the table and watches.>
Lita: Dude. Do you have to stare like that? It's creeping me out. As if I wasn't already creeped out enough.
GrampaMobius: Use yer head you stupid Swede! I'm a master criminal! Creeping people out is my job! I was creeping people out before the boy here was even a gleam in the milkman's eye! Rick! Get these kids some food, will you? What do you think you're here for?
<Somehow Lita manages to look even more disgusted than she was before. PM doesn't seem to have been paying attention to anything Grampa Mobius said. Rick brings various plates of food over to the table.>
Lita: What happened to your hand, Rick? Why all the bandages?
Rick: It's nothing, Sweetheart. Just a few rabbit bite--
PM: Don't call mah fiyancee Sweetheart! Ah'm the only one who kin call her thayat!
Rick: <to Lita> I am so, so, sorry. <He goes back to the bar>
PM: Thayat's better! Hey, Sweetheart!
Lita: <she glares at PM>
PM: Whould yew please pass ther salt?
Lita: <picks up the salt shaker and shakes a healthy amount of salt directly into PM's face>
PM: ARRGH!! MAH EYES!!! THERE'S SALT IN MAH EYES!!! Ah'm sure it was an innuhsint accidint, but THERE'S SALT IN MAH EYES!!!
Lita: Hmph.
Grampa Mobius: Ha! You picked a Swede with some spirit in her! Way to go, Boy!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
green light
#2974
[Nabut] This way!
Date: 09/14/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Way too long between replies mode>>>
[Buffalo?] What do you have in mind, Nabut?
[Nabut] It's quite simple, really, my peachpit. Even our esteemed "second-in-command" here could understand it.
[Sam] Well, that's a relief! [His amiable grin slowly fades.] Hey, wait a minute...
[Buffalo?] Let it go, Sam. [Notices where he is.] Hey, this is the door to the Doppling Room. I see where you're going with this: we get Buffalo down here--
[Sam] But you're Buffalo, aren't you? No, wait...
[Buffalo?] Focus, Sam. Anyway, we get him down here and you switch us back. But do you really expect him to just waltz on down here and make it easy for us?
[Nabut] This *is* Buffalo we're talking about here.
[Buffalo?] Well, yes. I suppose you have a poin. But how do we get him down here?
[Nabut] It shouldn't be too difficult to--
[But he never gets to finish his sentence, because right then, Lita runs through!]
[Lita] Outta my way! I've got to get away from PM! [She runs into the Doppling Room.]
[PM?] Cupcayke II! Come bayack here! [He follows Lita into the room.]
[STG] Heeeelllp! Hide me from Linky! [He also runs into the room.]
[Grampa Mobius] Durn whippersnappers! Slow down! [He falls over.] Oh! My hip! [He gets up and hobbles into the room.]
[Nabut] See?
[Buffalo?] I stand corrected. Shall we? [They enter the Doppling Room.]
[Nabut gasps.] What on Earth??
[Buffalo?] Oh, isn't this great?
[They're reacting like that because the doppling machine is merrily spitting sparks into the air. That evil bunny sure has been busy!]
[PM?] Whut the hayell is a-goin' on here?
[STG] I don't like the look of this. Machines that do that usually are about to explode.
[Lita] Explode? Eeep! Come here, Mikey! [She grabs the evil bunny and holds him tightly. The bunny squirms, but can't get free.]
[PM?] Whudduh we do nayow?
[STG] Fix the damn thing already! You're the scientist here!
[Nabut grins wickedly.] Yes, my liepeachpit. Fix it.
[PM?] But Ah don' know hayow. [He poins at Buffalo?.] He's the wun what knows mikanicul doodads.
[Buffalo? also grins evilly.] Who, me? I don't know nothin' about no machinie thangs.
[Lita] Come on, PM. Fix it! I'm too beautiful to die! [She kicks PM?.]
[PM?] Ayow! Quit it ahlreadeh! Ah'll fix th' dayamn thang! [He tentatively pokes the machine with a wrench.]
[This is enough, of course, to send the damaged doppling machine over the edge. It makes a very loud screeching noise, and starts to smoke and spark even more.]
[Lita] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! [She dives for cover. Seconds later, the machine explodes.]
[After a few minutes, the smoke clears. For some reason, Grampa Mobius is the first one to stand up.]
[Grampa Mobius] What th-- Whoa! All right! [He runs out of the room. Well, at least as fast as he can run, at his age. What's up with that?]
[PM stands up, rubbing his head.] Ooohhh... that sucked. Hey! I'm back in my own body!
[Buffalo] Crayap! So'm Ah!
[Lita comes out of hiding.] You mean it was plehhy Buffalo in your body the whole time, PM? I guess that explains why you were hitting on me. And how badly you were hitting on me. And how generally rock stupid you were. And--
[Buffalo] Awlraht! Ah get it!! >:o(
[PM smacks Buffalo.] Quiet, you!
[Lita also smacks Buffalo.] Yeah! Shut up! [She turns to PM.] You've got to turn my poor Mikey back into a human!
[PM] Why would I want to do that?
[Lita] Because it's the right thing to do!
[PM] I'm a villain, remember?
[Lita] Well, do it for our friendship's sake.
[PM] We're mortal enemies.
[Lita laughs nervously.] Because I helped to get you back into your body? Indirectly, anyway...
[PM shakes his head.]
[Lita gets angry.] Do it or I'll shun you, mister!
[PM] All right, all right, don't be hasty here. After all, you *did* help get me back in my body. [He uses his transmogrifyer pistol to turn evil bunny back into Evil Mike.]
[Evil Mike immediately punches PM.]
[PM] Ow! What was that for?
[Evil Mike] Like I need a reason.
[PM] That's it. Get out of here, you two, or I'll turn you both into anteaters.
[Lita] All right, all right! Sheesh! [She and Evil Mike leave, followed by PM holding them at gunpoin.]
[Sam] Come on, Buffalo ol' buddy. Let's go do some karaoke. [They leave.]
[Nabut] Come on, Servo the Gimp. Time to get your sorry ass out of here, too.
[STG] You can't talk to me like that! I'm Elite Section Chief Assistant In Charge of Telling People's Asses What to Do, and you're just a stupid janitor!
[Nabut picks STG up by the collar, and hefts him toward the door.] Move it!
[STG] All right, I'm going, I'm going. Jerk. [To his salmon.] Well, I guess it's just you and me again, huh Salmon?
[Salmon?] What in tarnation are you gabbin' about, boy? I ain't no-- [He gasps.] I'm a dad-blamed fish!
[Danh-danh-DAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNHHHH!!!1!]
TmPM
Wow, took me awhile. =/
Green Light
Sarcophagus!
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Back to the Future (TM)
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